Biblical Divorce Pt. 2

Biblical Divorce Reason #2

We continue our discussion on Biblical Divorce with the second New Testament text specifically regarding divorce. Again, this passage does not require divorce, but it does protect the victimized spouse. The passage is from 1 Corinthians.

“...but if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.” (1 Cor. 7:15)

This text follows a discussion from Paul about the merit of remaining in a marriage with an unsaved spouse. There are certainly many biblical principles for not entering into a marriage with an unsaved spouse, but for those who did or even one who was saved after marriage, Paul’s advice is clear: “[I]f any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” (1 Cor. 7:12–13)

What is Paul saying? If an unbelieving spouse is willing to continue to live (with all that it contains) as the Christian’s spouse, that believing spouse should not divorce them. The “should not” is stronger in the Greek. That believer cannot divorce them. Paul explained that the Lord may very well use that faithful spouse to draw the remaining family members to Himself. What a ministry! This is not always a clean and quick process, though. Practically speaking, this will be a rough situation. One spouse is a child of darkness while the other is now a child of the light. There is going to be “friction,” needless to say. Yet, even in that tension of one spouse now living as a Christian and wanting to raise their children in a Christian house with Christian principles, Paul says, “Keep with it! Don’t forsake the marriage!”

However, Paul does recognize that an unsaved spouse may at some point throw his or her hands up and say, “No more! I refuse to honor Jesus as my spouse does. I’m done.” Read Paul’s words again: “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved.” (1 Cor. 7:15) What else is that believing spouse to do? They faithfully lived and loved and have been abandoned by their unbelieving spouse. Paul says that in this situation, that spouse is free. I take that to mean free to divorce and then free to remarry a believer, if she or he would choose.

Over the last two posts I have shared the two biblical reasons for divorce as I see it: sexual immorality (active sexual sin) in one’s spouse and an unbelieving spouse’s abandonment.

In these two situations, Jesus and Paul (all according to the Holy Spirit’s authorship) free the spouse to divorce and remarry.

Practical Discussion Questions

Are there really only two allowable situations for divorce?

Though this is an extremely unpopular answer, the biblical text is clear that only those two explicit reasons are allowable in which to pursue a divorce.

What about physical abuse, a spouse in prison, pornographic addiction, drug abuse, etc.?

The first answer would be that if legal authorities need to be called, that should happen immediately. The physical safety of all victimized partners must be the top priority. Those abuse situations cannot be “handled internally.” Many well-intentioned churches have ruined their testimony by concealing these types of crimes. 

However, I hinted at this earlier, but let me spell out how those “non-criminal” terrible situations should be handled. The victimized spouse should quickly include his or her pastors and other trusted Christian friends for support and wisdom. If the erring spouse is a believer, the church should follow the principles spelled out in Matthew 18 in an attempt to restore this sinning brother or sister. The spouse has certainly called them to repentance; a faithful church leader should step in and continue that process. If they still refuse to repent or change, the church has the responsibility to put them out of the church (treating them as an unbeliever who needs salvation). This still does not allow for a divorce, but in many cases that excommunicated spouse will engage in one of the two allowable activities: sexual immorality or abandonment, which, in a state of excommunication, would qualify as an unbeliever abandoning the marriage. If the spouse is an unbeliever, the spouse should continue to live faithful and pray that his or her example would be used by God for salvation and eventual restoration. This is a very challenging question, but one that the legal system and the Bible speak to.

What if my spouse claims to be a Christian and divorces me?

The church also would have an obligation to try and correct the misunderstanding in that spouse or mitigate the situation. If that spouse, claiming to be a Christian, refuses to receive biblical counsel and continues with their “unbiblical divorce,” the church would have no other option than to excommunicate him or her, treating them as an unbeliever. If they continue the divorce proceedings, I think the 1 Cor. 7:15 principle would apply.

What if I divorced my spouse wrongfully according to these two biblical principles?

I think this is a very common situation for many divorced Christians. There are so many possibilities and nuances to this question. Both parties may be remarried with families of their own. In those advanced situations, a letter of apology or—if possible—a conversation of forgiveness may be appropriate. If there was an unbiblical divorce and both parties remain unmarried, restoration of that marriage could be appropriate. If nothing else, that believing man (for example) may need to financially begin providing for his divorced spouse and any children. He may not be able to restore the marriage, but a financial commitment can show a heart of repentance and, even through this sinful experience, a true Christian testimony. If a believing wife wrongfully divorced her husband, remarried, and now is convicted, it would not be right to divorce her new husband in order to try and restore the previous marriage. Once that union is broken (either biblically or unbiblically), that marriage is over. Much wisdom and counsel are needed!

If I have been divorced, am I disqualified from ever serving as a pastor or deacon?

The short answer is “maybe.” As I read the biblical qualifications for elders and deacons, my eye is drawn to another qualification that may disqualify the divorced man or woman from serving as a pastor (if a man) or deacon (either man or woman). I understand “one-woman man” (1 Tim. 3) and “one-man woman” (1 Tim. 5) to refer to the faithful and committed spirit and not the current marital status. An unmarried man can be a faithfully committed person in purity just like a married man. The same goes for women. My question would go to the first qualification in 1 Tim. 3 or Titus 1: “above reproach” or “blameless.” To me, how that divorce occurred and was handled could render the candidate not “blameless.” Jesus’ grace is mighty and can forgive our sin; however, if that divorced spouse really messed up the divorce, there may be wisdom in their serving in another capacity. However, I really do believe there are many faithful men and women who were justified in their divorce proceedings who have been once-and-for-all banned from holding official church office wrongfully. Certain questions would need to be asked, but I do not believe a biblical divorce automatically disqualifies the potential leader.

One Final Comment

This is a challenging discussion because the “worst-case scenarios” are usually proffered as a rebuttal. In most cases, marriages fail because one or both parties are “done” and unwilling to continue in that marriage anymore. That is a broad comment, but I think fair. When I look at a number of divorces that take place within the church wrongfully, I believe that many of them could be prevented by two things: a healthy discipleship culture where people are in each other’s homes and schedules, and second, a commitment to Matthew 18. I don’t mean that the church has an excommunication vote every Sunday, but I do mean that people are having difficult conversations regularly with other members.

If you are invited over to a fellow member’s house and, as the meal progresses, the husband keeps making negative or derogatory comments to his wife—even subtly—that is an opportunity for the invited husband to get with him and ask a few follow-up questions. A church where no one knows each other or spends any time together outside the Sunday service will have no potential to uncover sin or even positively disciple others.

A church needs regular interaction between its members, active commitment from all members to welcome the church into their lives, and be used to help others grow. Divorce is a terrible reality, and according to the Lord’s grace, one that can be significantly reduced within the church as the membership knows, loves, and disciples each other.

Return to Blog Feed